Doctor’s Note for Monday 3/3

I keep being asked to write a doctor’s note to all of you who would like to stay home/call in sick on Monday to catch up with Colton and Rylee…here it is…(you can screen shot it 😉 )

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Dear ____________,

My patient, (your name here), has a serious condition known as O.C.D. and is in desperate need of therapy today, March 3rd and possibly 4th. (or any time thereafter she deems to re-read her prescribed course of medicine). This O.C.D. is different than the usual diagnosis in which I am sure you are familiar with. The O.C.D. your employee has is called Obsessive Colton Disorder and can be very harmful if not treated right away. The treatment is an intense regimen of a new drug combo called Driven/Fueled/Crashed and must be taken in large doses or the full effect does not have a big enough impact to help with the symptoms.  The side effects of this drug combo are continually talking about M.F. Checkered Flags, Calling random people Ace, Eating Cotton Candy, and all around euphoria. If said drug combo is not adhered to as I prescribe, your employee may suffer from a cob-web covered crotch, intense twitching, sexual frustration, and random finger swiping across devices as if in withdrawal of her e-reader. It’s not pretty.

Please heed my advice and allow your employee the prescribed course of action, for both your safety and those that work with her. I’ve seen the fallout of withholding this drug combo and I don’t want to see it on the 10 o’clock news again.

Best Regards,

Dr. K. Bromberg

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Do you think that will work?